Go date yourself

So I have recently, and by recently I mean for at least the last year or maybe more? Have been taking myself out and about.

Why is this worth posting about? Because I bloody want to. SO… For a long time I found myself doing things with other people. Long walks, going to shops and generally always having company. Have I confused you? Good.

There is nothing wrong with spending time with your friends, far from it I do actually love being in the company in my friends and doing these things with them. However I realised one day that it felt like I couldn’t do these things UNLESS I had someone with me. It was like I forgot I could do these things without someone chaperoning me (a high number of people disagree with this statement)

So I decided I needed to get back to being comfortable with myself again. I’m a big fan of protecting your peace and that includes spending time alone just doing every day things. So I began with the easiest ones of going to the shop or walks by myself again. To be honest this was the lazy way of easing into it, just hop in the car and off I go and I was always too distracted in shops to notice I was alone to be honest.

The harder part for me was doing something that was typically done with someone, for example lunch in a cafe. Sounds simple enough but if you have spent a long time never going anywhere alone this can be a very alien feeling to you. It felt that way to me anyway but I wanted to get back to pottering around by myself. I grabbed my book and off I went in my car to find somewhere, anywhere really that I could have a chunk of time to myself.

Ended up in a small seaside town of all things, not much in the way of tourism which was perfect. I wandered around a bit to get my bearings before sitting on the beach and reading for a while. No music and no other distractions, just simply listening to the waves and birds around me. With the lack of tourism attractions this meant the beach was actually very quiet minus the odd dog or two coming flying out of nowhere towards me in hopes of treats.

Honestly I’m not really sure how long I was sat there for, I think I just read until I got hungry but there was so many cafes around so this gave me a second chance to just wander about working out which ones looked the best to try. Have to be honest, I went in and immediately wanted to leave. Not because of anything they did but just my own self being there alone and everyone looks at the door when it opens just made me want to turn heel.

Stomach had other plans though, it was running the show so I did force myself into the cafe and sit myself down in the corner out the way. Now I was still fully armed with my book or my phone, but the point was to not need these things to be alone. No one should need a form of armour just to eat by themselves.

I forgot how easy it was to just be alone, I realised that sounds weird but as I said when you spend so much time around other people. The idea of doing things alone sometimes throws your mind through a bit of a loop.

In a rather funny turn of events, I have now spent so much time learning to be by myself again and protecting my own peace that I now rarely entertain the idea of hanging out with many people. Clearly I need to work on balance a bit better but oh well.

The point to this is that I hope you take yourself out, and I don’t mean by assassination. Take yourself on the lunch date, take yourself on a woodland walk or go to the cinema yourself. Why do we feel we need to go do these things with someone or we can’t do it at all?

Sure it’s nice to enjoy things with someone, but if no one is available don’t let that be the thing that stops you from doing something. There might be other people there in the same boat and you may end up making a friend. Unless you are like me and have resting bitch face so no one talks to you… try smiling or something I don’t know.

Point being! Go do the thing. Go date yourself and treat yourself to days out and you never know what it could end up turning into.

B x

Exceeding my own expectations.

I have been trying to set myself realistic goals for every two months. I found I often got myself buried under these massive goals and my own work and then my uni as well. It was of course all my own doing thinking I somehow have 12 more hours in the day than everyone else. Turns out I don’t and that’s just rude.

So my goals are just small ones, putting out two blog posts a month, exercising 4-5 times a week (I have leg issues so this is quite hard) as well as 10,000 steps a day. As my job is sitting at a desk, this one I find is a little tougher but more motivating as I’m forcing myself to move around on work days, on days off it is much easier to achieve because I rarely stay still.

Along with smaller ones such as clean eating, no or minimal junk food in the week and only have fizzy drinks at dinner. So you can tell all my small goals are health related. I have a very big goal for June I want to achieve and rather than overwhelming myself by thinking about it, I’m trying to break down what I need into two month goal setting. It makes me feel less overwhelmed and everything feels far more achievable and I don’t get the overload paralysis where I end up doing nothing.

Now although I want to be more proactive on this blog and my health, I didn’t want my mind to be left out. yes exercising and achieving goals does help a mindset in a positive way. Especially if you are going out for walks and getting fresh air and out into nature. However I wanted to do more for my mind, this stems from a genuine fear that one day I won’t remember anything in my life so I want to keep my mind agile and as active as I can.

So this prompted me to put a goal in where I finish a crossword once a week and at least one book once a month. These are not as full on as my other ones as I do also have uni to do so I feel my crossword and reading, while important, need to be fitted in properly. I do more of these where I can in the week for example when I finished an essay for uni I have a full week of no uni and then I can do more reading for fun.

As you can tell I try not to be strict with my goals and these are more guidelines of the minimum I would like to achieve. So whenever I finish a book I set it on my desk and create a stack that month of what I read. I did nothing in September it turns out, I tried but work got so busy and I basically found no time and when I had the time I couldn’t even focus because of interruptions. So imagine my surprise when from the middle of October to November I realised I had read four books in the space of a month.

Literally a book a week and I hadn’t even noticed that I had done it. I got so sucked in by these books I lost hours and didn’t even realise I was nearly done until it was pointed out to me how much I had read in a day. For example, the Miniaturist I read half of it in a day I could not put it down and very excited to read the sequel now.

So I set my goals, in hopes I would achieve them or at least try my best and I ended up doing better than I thought, because I wasn’t even trying. I’m not saying you should just forget you have goals and hope it works out… but breaking down my bigger hopes and goals into two month segments was a massive help to me. It felt less daunting and like I had plenty of time to reach them and do more if I could or wanted to.

I often get frozen when I realise I have too much to do and then end up doing nothing because it is like my brain short circuits and I know I am not alone in that feeling. so if you are someone who feels you have way too much to do, write it down. Honestly write it down and work out what is an absolute must and what can be done in parts or the next day. I don’t mean things to brag about either, I know the minds of some of the people who read this and this is for any thing you need to do or feel you must do.

You really need to take a shower and don’t have the energy? Sit down and do it, who said you have to stand?
You have massive piles of washing and it can’t wait anymore? Take out the things that need washed first and do them, the rest can wait until tomorrow it’s ok.
You have no energy to clean your entire house? Why do you need to do the whole house today… lets start with the bathroom and now you have one less to do.

Whatever you think you should be doing, you probably don’t. I removed a lot of stress by asking myself why I felt I had to do things, because I was raised that way? Because adverts and society told me this is how you should start your perfect day? (yes I’m aiming at you “influencers” of the ‘That girl’ morning routine. No one likes 5am mornings and grass smoothies) If you want to do something because YOU want to then go right ahead please, if you get overwhelmed by the things you think you should be doing… write it down and ask yourself if you need to or think you need to.

This is how I ended up breaking my goals down, I have more than the ones listed but I also stopped thinking I had to do certain things just because I thought it’s what I was meant to be doing. Removing the excess ended up giving me less stress and I actually passed my own goal without even realising I did it.

Focus on yourself, not what the internet is telling you to do. None of this ‘you’re doing everything in your daily routine wrong, do what I do!’ none sense. Just do what you want to do and be happy with what you are doing. If you think you should be doing more, try and remember it’s not true. You are doing exactly enough for you and your life, so stick with it and tell anyone who demands otherwise of you… to fuck off.

Bx

Why it’s great to be apart

Confused? not surprised. when I talk about this a lot of people come back to me with questions and confusion. Recently this has come up again as my partner did a trip with rally group where they drove from Scotland to Athens, he had a great time with his friends. Made new friends and saw some amazing sites and found new places to travel to on a different trip.

Why is this a good thing for me? Because I had awesome amounts of alone time, I spent a lot of time with my pets. Did some DIY around the house and did some work on writing projects I have that have been a tad neglected.

I have been told our situation is not convenient, or asking how hard it is and how we cope with the distance. Truth is, we love it.
Now before I get a lot of statements about how it’s not normal or how I’m just being difficult for the sake of it (which I mean… fair if you know me, that’s always a possibility if I’m feeling sassy) However I genuinely don’t think it’s good for people to be around each other constantly.

I have watched couples that are rarely away from each other, have some immense arguments that are just bonkers level of rage and resentment from what I could tell. Usually a long the lines of

“Why do we have to do what you want”
“why are we always with your friends”
“why can’t we go to this place like I want”

Honestly, go find someone else to hang out with to do these things. Have some separation and go have your own adventures and nights out, or days shopping, in a museum, day at the beach, new restaurant. Whatever it is that you feel you can’t do with you partner, go with a friend! You do not need to do everything with your partner. It is actually much better if you don’t and here is why (for me anyway)

You will always have new things to talk about, new experiences and funny stories
You will find a new place or thing that you can then share if you want, take the partner to it and boom new fun thing for you both instead of a routine.
You get a different kind of recharged energy being around different people and having a good day out
You get the chance to miss each other
You can get back to some projects you haven’t had time for, or they can.
Reconnect with friends you haven’t seen in a long time

Honestly the list goes on, this doesn’t mean you should never spend time with your partner. I just feel people would genuinely benefit from doing their own thing, you know when people get out of a relationship and they say they feel like they lost themselves? That is exactly how they do it. They don’t take time for their own interests, they don’t have anything separate from their partner that is just for them.

I love spending time with him, I love cooking with him, going for walks, finding new places to explore or just spending an evening at home reading. I also love being away from him, knowing he is off doing whatever project he wants to be doing (seriously it’s like his mini happy place), or having a great time with his friends. While I’m catching up with my friends, focusing on writing, or little bit of self care, travelling myself or with my dad or friend, or even just doing nothing. I’m the kind of person that sometimes just needs to do nothing.

Our distance, is actually the best thing for us and very convenient but I get why it’s hard for some to understand because everyone is different. However if you feel like you have lost a bit of yourself or that you only have your partner to do things with. Shake it up, make new friends, reconnect with old ones, go do something for yourself. If your partner tells you that they feel that way, tell them the same thing, tell them it’s ok and they should go do something they really want to do without you.

When I was very young (when dragons were still around) I used to think that when you find your person, you are meant to be around them always and you are meant to have all the same interests and just never be apart. Give me a break I was like seven alright…
As I got older, I met the general public and therefore the general horror show that is humanity. As well as the wonderful side of humanity, and realised yeah.. I want to do my own thing, much happier doing that and not being told what to do. There ended the obedient child and thus entered hell on wheels chaotic child and never really grew out of it. You are not meant to be stuck in a routine and only spend time with one person forever and ever.

Life is weird, messy and random and you can’t go through it all with out different kinds of people in your life to get through it. You need the weirdo, you need the calm one, you need the mental friend and you need your person you come home to that can’t wait to hear about your random day and adventures.

Being apart is great for your soul and your mind. Coming together to share your experiences is great for you both and you never land in a weird routine kind of rut. Now through all this… do not take this as advice to go be a dick without your partner. If that’s the advice you got from this… shame on you and dishonour on your cow.

As I am writing and reading this, I am fully aware that this was a little rambling. However if you get what I mean then I have succeeded at least with that. My ramblings are to make people think differently or connect with someone who thinks the same way and if I achieved either then it has been a good day.

Just remember, adventure isn’t deadly. Routine is
B x

Decisions decisions and all of them wrong.

Have been spending a lot of time recently second guessing myself. From my uni course, to clothes, to mindset and generally who I am as a person. Which is a new thing for me because not to toot my horn but from a young age I have always been very certain of who I am and what I like.

I recently failed one of my uni modules, which happens but it’s the first one I’ve failed and while I’m in limbo of finding out how to fix it, it has honestly just made my whole mindset go a bit sideways. Started off simple enough with the normal ‘is this the right uni course for me’ and it somehow spiralled down into ‘what am I even doing?’

Now this is not intended to be doom and gloom, I know this feeling will pass but it’s a surreal feeling to one day be very certain of yourself or how you are progressing and then get knocked sideways a few days later simply from overthinking. I do tend to forget your own mind is a very powerful thing and will do the most insane things to your vision of others, yourself and everything else in between.

It is a dangerous slope as once the second guessing begins, it is very hard to stop. ‘Is that what I would have decided before?’ ‘what if that’s the wrong choice and I lose out on something good’ ‘what if my choice causes something bad to happen to someone else?’ and the list goes on, from minor things to quite ridiculous things to be honest but if you are an over thinker like myself then you know exactly what I am talking about.

Even this… this fairly non important, slightly rambling post. For around 2 hours I spent my time just looking at this…

I know right? super exciting view… a true sight to behold. A blank page has become weirdly intimidating to me now so trying to shake my mind out of that thought. For a few reasons but the main one being… it’s a page, not a rabid animal. I don’t want to believe this is writers block, I gave trouble with the idea of writers block. I feel it’s not a truly block, it is just a very strong form of really really not wanting to do something so your mind is just not having any of it. Has just up and quit for the day, your get up and go has got up and left.

All of this, because I failed a uni module. Not even kidding.

Now with that in mind, I want to off set that with in work I have been told I’m doing well. Getting great feedback from the people I help on a daily basis and have been improving my knowledge base through work training and independent learning and qualifications. Improving myself in mentality, health and physical senses and generally just keeping my life moving in the direction I want.

So why am I rambling? and what is the end goal of this post? well my friend I am glad you asked… there isn’t much of one other than to kick start my mind and get the second guessing out my system. Hopefully someone reads this and understands the mad ramblings and feels where I am coming from, maybe they have advice for me or anyone else who will read the comment. Who knows!

If something does knock you down, throws you off your game. Let it… it is a moment for growth and learning about yourself, it is also a great chance for you to really think about what is still going well for you or what you are excelling at. If you don’t ever take a step back, I promise life will do it and it will do it with the heft of a freight train if you’re not careful. So if you’re going, going and rarely stopping. I recommend a day of nothing, you want to keep going? stop first.

B x

International Women’s day | Best Friend

Today is a day that is important for all women, the ups and downs. Achievements and recognition for so many things that women can do. For me there is one woman who deserves a special mention which is my best friend, Jamie.

We had a strong friendship before, but this past year we found we really needed each other to make it through the pandemic and can safely say, I have no idea what I would do without her. She knows when to call me out on my shit, she knows when I’m hiding something that’s bothering me. She pushes me to do things out my comfort zone and will do it by my side, I could probably tell her the worst thing in the world, and not even a flicker of judgement would cross her face, she would just offer advice or call me a dumbass.

We laugh, we cry. We talk endlessly and know when to be quiet with each other. We lean on each other and rely on each other, we strive for our goals together and if the other falls behind we wait until they are ready to go again. We have different life goals and plans but we always have each other in them. We even have yearly traditions on our birthdays, Halloween and summer road trips.

She is fiercely loyal, with a genuine soul and wild heart. She is the embodiment of chaos and serenity and so brutally honest. My life long partner in adventure and mistakes.

You are my best friend, with a little old lady soul and grandma tendencies. Drunken dance partner and person to yell ‘hairy cow go moo!’ with ( you had to be there)

B x