Exceeding my own expectations.

I have been trying to set myself realistic goals for every two months. I found I often got myself buried under these massive goals and my own work and then my uni as well. It was of course all my own doing thinking I somehow have 12 more hours in the day than everyone else. Turns out I don’t and that’s just rude.

So my goals are just small ones, putting out two blog posts a month, exercising 4-5 times a week (I have leg issues so this is quite hard) as well as 10,000 steps a day. As my job is sitting at a desk, this one I find is a little tougher but more motivating as I’m forcing myself to move around on work days, on days off it is much easier to achieve because I rarely stay still.

Along with smaller ones such as clean eating, no or minimal junk food in the week and only have fizzy drinks at dinner. So you can tell all my small goals are health related. I have a very big goal for June I want to achieve and rather than overwhelming myself by thinking about it, I’m trying to break down what I need into two month goal setting. It makes me feel less overwhelmed and everything feels far more achievable and I don’t get the overload paralysis where I end up doing nothing.

Now although I want to be more proactive on this blog and my health, I didn’t want my mind to be left out. yes exercising and achieving goals does help a mindset in a positive way. Especially if you are going out for walks and getting fresh air and out into nature. However I wanted to do more for my mind, this stems from a genuine fear that one day I won’t remember anything in my life so I want to keep my mind agile and as active as I can.

So this prompted me to put a goal in where I finish a crossword once a week and at least one book once a month. These are not as full on as my other ones as I do also have uni to do so I feel my crossword and reading, while important, need to be fitted in properly. I do more of these where I can in the week for example when I finished an essay for uni I have a full week of no uni and then I can do more reading for fun.

As you can tell I try not to be strict with my goals and these are more guidelines of the minimum I would like to achieve. So whenever I finish a book I set it on my desk and create a stack that month of what I read. I did nothing in September it turns out, I tried but work got so busy and I basically found no time and when I had the time I couldn’t even focus because of interruptions. So imagine my surprise when from the middle of October to November I realised I had read four books in the space of a month.

Literally a book a week and I hadn’t even noticed that I had done it. I got so sucked in by these books I lost hours and didn’t even realise I was nearly done until it was pointed out to me how much I had read in a day. For example, the Miniaturist I read half of it in a day I could not put it down and very excited to read the sequel now.

So I set my goals, in hopes I would achieve them or at least try my best and I ended up doing better than I thought, because I wasn’t even trying. I’m not saying you should just forget you have goals and hope it works out… but breaking down my bigger hopes and goals into two month segments was a massive help to me. It felt less daunting and like I had plenty of time to reach them and do more if I could or wanted to.

I often get frozen when I realise I have too much to do and then end up doing nothing because it is like my brain short circuits and I know I am not alone in that feeling. so if you are someone who feels you have way too much to do, write it down. Honestly write it down and work out what is an absolute must and what can be done in parts or the next day. I don’t mean things to brag about either, I know the minds of some of the people who read this and this is for any thing you need to do or feel you must do.

You really need to take a shower and don’t have the energy? Sit down and do it, who said you have to stand?
You have massive piles of washing and it can’t wait anymore? Take out the things that need washed first and do them, the rest can wait until tomorrow it’s ok.
You have no energy to clean your entire house? Why do you need to do the whole house today… lets start with the bathroom and now you have one less to do.

Whatever you think you should be doing, you probably don’t. I removed a lot of stress by asking myself why I felt I had to do things, because I was raised that way? Because adverts and society told me this is how you should start your perfect day? (yes I’m aiming at you “influencers” of the ‘That girl’ morning routine. No one likes 5am mornings and grass smoothies) If you want to do something because YOU want to then go right ahead please, if you get overwhelmed by the things you think you should be doing… write it down and ask yourself if you need to or think you need to.

This is how I ended up breaking my goals down, I have more than the ones listed but I also stopped thinking I had to do certain things just because I thought it’s what I was meant to be doing. Removing the excess ended up giving me less stress and I actually passed my own goal without even realising I did it.

Focus on yourself, not what the internet is telling you to do. None of this ‘you’re doing everything in your daily routine wrong, do what I do!’ none sense. Just do what you want to do and be happy with what you are doing. If you think you should be doing more, try and remember it’s not true. You are doing exactly enough for you and your life, so stick with it and tell anyone who demands otherwise of you… to fuck off.

Bx

Didn’t think I would do it.

This is something that is potentially very small to some or most people. However few years ago I had surgery on my foot, things went wrong I ended up on bed rest for a total of 12 months. Tendons were severely damaged, muscles were weakened and buggered basically.

As a kid I did a lot of hill walking and hiking, tree climbing, horse riding, swimming basically any activity involving your legs to an insane degree was just amazing to me. Then this crap happened and I found a three minute walk to the shop the most agonising thing. My legs burned like I had ran a marathon and was out of it for two to three days after because they were just so stiff and sore.

Fast forward to now because no one wants to hear about the long boring process. I still have issues, my lungs are weaker from not being able to do much and my legs are still sore depending on the intensity that I push them to. However I have been able to hike again, and after a few walks in the beginning I set myself a rather minimal goal, but monumental considering the pain I was in from a flat walk. I wanted to get to the top of Arthurs Seat in Edinburgh. Now yes I know, there are locals that walk over this for work or for funsies every day. (I’m not jealous…)

However the way my legs felt and made my mentality shrink I may as well have been looking at Everest. Hopefully that puts into perspective how I was feeling and the damage that was done.

This man, pushed me (not off the hill, although I think he may have wanted to) I told him in passing about my silly goal I set for myself and that I hadn’t achieved it yet. Few weeks later I was standing at the bottom of the hill and thinking all negative things, I wanted to do it. I wanted to get up there, but I immediately remembered the agony my legs were left in and became very wary and unsure of even attempting it. I wanted to give up before I even tried it, which has never been my mindset and he reminded me why I wanted to do it to begin with.

Am I smiling in this picture? I shouldn’t be, I was plotting the murder of anyone who was ever involved in making hills or decided it was good exercise to climb them. I was sweaty, my lungs were sore and struggling. My leg was burning and most definitely wanted to stop.

I didn’t want it to stop me. I didn’t let it stop me this time and I managed it and that smile was genuine.

As I said, this is most likely a small thing to some or most people. To those who know the leg pain I am referring to, when it burns from nothing. It makes you want to not even try because you know what it is going to do and how it’s going to feel. I hope you achieved whatever goal you set for yourself that some may have minimised and told you wasn’t a big deal. I hope you told them to take a long walk off a tall cliff. I hope you have continued to set goals and prove a set back is not the end of your hobbies or exercise, it’s just giving you a chance to achieve new goals.

For anyone who has gone through something similar and wants to set their goals and achieve climbing a hill, getting back on a horse, rock climbing, swimming what ever it is… Please do it. However please also check with a physiotherapist and/or doctor to make sure when you push yourself, it is for muscle benefit and not going to knock you back further. I did the latter like an idiot in the beginning and that set back damaged me more all because I was stubborn and decided “exercise is exercise it can’t be bad” …. don’t do that! Please set goals and please achieve them. Most importantly please check that you you will be ok.

I am proud of my achievement, I am excited for my new goals (stayed tuned… Peru is involved!) I am so glad I have such a supportive partner that will literally shove me up a mountain to help me achieve any goal I want to. I am ever thankful for him in different ways every day.
Got dangerously close to being thrown off the side of the hill though at the time….

B x

Sustainability easier than you think

Alright I know what most people hear that word, the eyes start rolling and people are groaning. Thinking people are about to get all high and mighty on them about how better they are than they because they have never used their large landfill buckets for months.

Don’t get me wrong if they can do that, well done but me personally? Not a hope. I have a lot of pets and therefore… lot of mess. However I know a lot of people seem to think that being eco friendly or sustainable is a hard road and will never make an impact so why even bother?

Ok yes, it can be hard depending on what level you want to go, but when you start a book do you skip to the end? No you start at the beginning where it is easing you into everything and helping you understand what is going on.

The point of being eco friendly is that everyone is trying to do good, doesn’t matter if it’s a small thing like sorting your recycling, or a larger scale like litter picking beaches and growing your own vegetables. For me it has been a series of small changes that are now second nature to me and the more small changes we all make, the bigger difference it will show.

A good way to start is from within the home, it’s the easiest place to begin and it starts with your bins and eating habits. Sorting what goes in your bins is the easiest way to start, you may already do this and wonder why this is even being brought up, that is because a lot of people don’t bother and throw it all the landfill because it’s too much effort for them to organise them. Depending on what you pick up from the shops it can also mean less plastic which is one of the biggest issues

A lot of supermarkets have begun providing paper bags now and not wrapping their vegetables in plastic anymore which means everyone’s choices are already better for the environment without even trying. These are two very small changes everyone can or has done that have already been showing large impact on waste products.

My favourite way of being sustainable is probably a lot of people do already, which is charity shops. For anyone not in the UK this is our version of thrifting. Fast fashion as it has been called, is definitely a large issue for so many reasons, poor quality of clothes means more into landfill. It is cheaply made and therefore cheaply sold so people buy more, and then have to buy again when the clothes fall apart. The workers get paid barely anything and are in such awful conditions most people try and turn a blind eye to it just so they can get their favourite jeans or cheap shoes.

Charity shops remove this element of fast fashion to an extent. Yes sometimes those clothes end up in these shops, however buying from a thrift store or charity shop is more beneficial, you are supporting a charity shop with a cause such as animals or children. You still get clothing, books, ornaments, shoes, kids toys and some home ware items from these shops without adding to poor worker conditions or landfill build up.

I have been sat looking through my cupboard and have found the clothes that have not come from a charity shop, I have had for years and were bought because they were for specific events like a wedding or funeral and so on. 80% of my books have come from these shops and the rest have been gifts and I have even got gifts for friends from these shops as well.

Not going to lie, it has also been a great way to save money when I have needed to. There has been a recent rise in the use of these shops which has been amazing to see, unsure if it is because of the cost of living rising or because of the sudden surge of thrifting influencers. A lot of people use these after thinking if they truly need to go shopping or not and if they decide on yes then they will try and find what they need in second hand shops.

The few things I have mentioned are just the basic simple things that follow the motto of reduce, reuse and recycle. To make my rambling easier… I will put the list here that I found that helped me when I was wanting to make changes but had no clue where or how to start

Start small — but start now.
Get savvy about spotting greenwashing.
Rethink your modes of transportation.
Ditch single-use bags and bottles.
Learn about ethical fashion.
Buy from truly sustainable brands and companies.
Shop organic when you can.
Look for sustainable packaging.

I genuinely believe that making changes like these are great for the environment, your home, your wallet and mentality – Although that last one is possibly just myself. For me I do genuinely feel better knowing that I am trying and making choices that are good for a number of reasons, and not just because they are easy and quick.

That however is a rant for another post to bore you with! I will say though, if you are prepared to come at me or anyone just offering suggestions how to help the environment last longer and save animals lives. You may want to ask yourself, why you feel the need to turn angry towards people who want to help and why you are prepared to cling to options that are damaging a world you live in and your children or grand children will need to live in as it steadily declines because instant gratification meant more to you than a world that is bending to breaking point because of everyone’s poor past choices.

B x

Who makes the rules about life?

The pillars of a successful life! – Sound familiar? it’s often the term used to make you feel bad about your life if you don’t have your pillars all lined up and have them all. Like collecting a psychotic set of failure sticks.

So the pillars are normally, love, friendship, job, house, finance. Over the years with new lifestyles evolving or becoming more well known they often change into career, money, love, purpose, and enthusiasm. Either way the list often has the effect on people that if you do not have all five. Then you do not have successful life.

I have no idea who made these rules but boy do you suck. More often than not when you succeed at one “pillar” then another falls. So an example of this comes in the immortal words from Devil wears Prada (yeah I said it… fucking great movie!) – “Let me know when your life goes up in smoke, it means you’re due a promotion” Which is shown through the movie of course as she becomes more successful in her job her personal life goes completely to hell.

Similar thing when you find a new relationship and it falls into the love pillar, your friendship pillar decides to crumble. What if you suffer from mental health? and you feel you have no purpose or enthusiasm… you have automatically failed at two pillars according to that thinking. Now before I get comments saying that are health goals to shoot for, yes I agree. My issue is the way these are often presented in nearly every magazine or lifestyle self help especially to younger people who take these to heart when they read “you need all these to have a successful life!!”

It can be very damaging and I have seen people sadly become very fixated on having these and if they are struggling they do go into a downward spiral. You do not need certain things to have a successful life, you have a successful life by the mere fact you are alive and breathing. So well done everyone you can knock down all the pillars and do whatever you want, you have beat the system!

Honestly I have always thought as long as you are happy and know where you can support from if you need it (in any form) then what else do you need? If working hard for that promotion is what is genuinely going to make you happy, then good luck. If being with your friends or partner is what makes you happy and look forward to new plans with them, then please make a thousand plans to keep you going. If you have a purpose in life such as charity work or helping others then absolutely bash on.

Don’t let other peoples mindset or views determine what you do with your life, or tell you the only way to have a good life is road A. Go the other road, hell go through woods and don’t take the road and see what happens, but make it your choice, your goals for your life and no one else’s. I spent time thinking that was the right way to do things only to find out every time it was wrong and just not for me. I think everyone does this at some point in their life to be honest.

So if you ever see a book, or magazine that is telling you the only way to have a good or successful life. Please just throw it away or walk by it, there are a thousand ways to have a good life and to be successful because everyone has different views on this, if they match your views and what you want then by all means flip through it and see if it will help but just remember it’s not the end of the world if you don’t have everything in that list.

B x

Rust to Rome | What I thought I’d never do

Alright, so has it been a while? yes. Did I forget how to make words? also yes! Did I have some sort of mental breakdown, amazingly no! Hooray for growth and all that jazz! You should know the entire time I am writing this I have caffeine and Fleetwood Mac at full volume.

Back in 2019, when I was a young one, before covid smacked everyone in the face and ruined lives and wrecked plans and generally was a bit of a git. I signed up to drive from Edinburgh, to Rome. Why? why the ever loving hell not? The idea is literally as it sounds, a group of us lunatics, hop in our cars and head to the gorgeous roads of Rome, travelling through amazing scenery in France and staying in campsites along the way. We do this because we have a leader called Marko who has planned these routes and basically attempts to keep us in line along the way (poor guy)

Rather than talk about every picture, and the history of where we went, which is amazing so I recommend learning something people. I wanted to talk about the trip itself, the atmosphere in the morning, the chaos of driving and getting where we need to go and the nights when we feel successful and relaxed and get to know people from all over.

Do I need to tell you where this is?

Honestly every morning was kind of the same, we were up, we packed and we eagerly awaited to be told what the day ahead of us was, because we don’t get to know until the morning of. Listening to tales of what had gone wrong the day before, whether it was a broken fan belt or an exploding tyre, the excitement you can feel in the air ahead of every day is something in itself to experience.

Our group of cars

The roads… oh the roads, we had twists and turns. We had diverts and closures, we got lost and we found amazing new places. Wide open roads with nothing to look at but mountains and lakes. The CB radio chattering away with stories we hadn’t yet heard and occasional calls for help, heads up for the tricky roads to help the first timers on the trip (me) and looking out for each other. It is a hard thing to bond with new people, harder when you are also trying to drive on the other side of the road and learn junctions, but this trip makes it feel like second nature. You have known these people forever and a day by the time you are heading home.

Italian Border

Our nights were spent with drink in hand and practically forgetting food was a thing as we all got excited to be together as the full group again to talk about what adventures we had during the day when we got separated. You learn peoples lives on these trips, you make new friends that last, you have an experience like no other when you cross the border and you are faced with nothing but a winding road and mountains surrounding you.

Italian Border

Reaching Pisa and then the colosseum had an immense sense of achievement. You battle through the local roads and wind a corner to see it just there in front of you, this monumental building that honestly pictures can’t do justice if I’m honest. The same with the tower, you walk through the market and through a little tunnel and suddenly it’s just right there in front you and if it’s your first time it is definitely something that catches you off guard. It is one of things you have to see when you are there, even if you never go again. Always go see it for yourself just the once, it is a great view.

These trips are something to be reckoned with, they are not without challenges. Cars can fail, problems can arise and people can make mistakes. What makes these trips what they are, is the people. Not what fancy car you bring. They band together when something goes wrong, they step in regardless of what the problem is and help out, they ensure no one is left out and everyone is involved. The man who created these trips, has brought many people together and turned it into a family. It is not “just a thing you do” once you are in, they love you and are excited to see you at leaving days, on future trips and just in general meet up to catch up with you.

Naturally a problem with the car – Our trusty leader helping to fix it thankfully.

As for me personally on this trip, it is something I thought was just never going to come around. For two years it was “yes we can go!… no wait, now we can’t” and it felt like a far off thing my little wanderlust filled heart needed so badly and could never achieve. Travelling, no matter where, always makes me learn more about myself. I learned this trip my need for exploring and travelling is stronger than I thought. The excitement every day of not knowing where I was going, and seeing the views as I found my way there. Making friends with the locals and just enjoying being where I was, without thinking about what else was to come. It has been a long time since I have been able to just be in the moment.

Lake Como – Domaso
Switzerland – Part of Tremolo pass

Now as I am basically a penguin, I will not lie I was struggling some days with the level of heat, because we got there just as a heatwave was starting and my lord that is something else in itself. So when I eventually reached a hotel on the way home that had aircon, I made myself a little igloo and made happy penguin sounds. However if you are normal, then you will love the warmth of the days and probably not be a puddle every day. For those that know me personally, know that shorts are not something normally in my closet, but I was in survival mode.

Ferry Home Amsterdam

There was something comforting and at the same time sad about this ferry. I was heading home to my beloved animals but I was leaving a trip that I felt had just started. As a side note, I do not recommend showering on a ferry unless you have either very good balance, or happy to know that your dignity will be no more when the ferry lurches and you fall down.

I created four videos briefly showing my trip, feel free to find them and have a nosey, fair warning I am not good at tiktok so apologises for that! If any of this at all has stirred the traveller in you, please look at https://www.rust2rome.com/ you will never regret doing one of these trips. I know that other travel blogs have more in-depth things to say, and have stunning pictures, I know that I ramble and get over excited when I write and I hope that when you read this, it feels like you are hearing about these trips like you are catching up with your friend.

If you are a traveller, a reader, a soul filled with wanderlust. You are my friend and I hope you enjoy the thoughts of a slightly mad traveller.

B x

When do you have a “real job”

Ok bear with me, this has been something that I have often thought about and even me and my friend Jamie have spoken about how other people treat others that have certain jobs. So when do you have a “real job”?

When I was very young, and I mean like maybe 10 and still learning about the world and how certain things work. I constantly heard things like
“you won’t get a real job without going to college”
“you won’t get a good pay with out a degree”
“you can’t do that without a qualification”

Now, I do know that some jobs require degrees and qualifications and there is nothing wrong with that. However for a little while this put the mindset on me that unless you have a degree or certificate then the job you have, is not a real job.

Dangerous mindset to have personally, as I have witnessed other people with this mindset scream abuse and belittle people who work hard in what they deem to be “not real jobs” so for example, a bar, or corner shop, any fast food place, large grocery shops such as Asda or Tesco, coffee places and other retail shops. So you get where I’m coming from and these people who are giving the abuse are the ones the internet world has dubbed the Karen.

This pool of people is hopefully very small but any job you can get, especially right now with how the world is going, is a real job. You go to it, you work, you come home and you get paid. How is that to anyone not a real job? When I worked for a call centre and I would tell people where I worked when it come in conversation, some people said “ah that’s cool” and others said “but what is your actual career, like that’s not a really a long term plan is it” There isn’t anything wrong with these jobs, they pay insanely well, and the one I had even gave you a lot of benefits and bonuses. I know people who have worked in that kind of job for years and love it still.

So when I questioned that particular response I did get varied responses of
“it’s not a proper job though is it?”
“You can’t really advance though, your just stuck doing that”
“That’s just the kind of job people do until they get a real one”

Honestly that last one normally made me laugh, because they admitted it was a job, in the same sentence as claiming it is until someone got a real job. Genius.

So why do some people have this mentality of you need to burn out and have 3 degrees and advance before you are considered to have a real job? Is it social media? possibly a factor but lets face it this has been going on long before the internet was a thing.
Is it parental pressure? Most likely a factor for sure, I have witnessed some strict as hell parents that disown their children if they even dare to think of not doing what the parent wants. Is it TV shows and movies? ohh most definitely a factor as they glamourize the burnout and advancement and pretend they have loads of money and live fantastic lives. Sorry to be the bubble burst but that is a hell of a fantasy world they create in nearly every single movie ever.

A “real job” is any job. You do the work and they pay you, whether you are using it as a stepping stone while you study for what you want. Or even if it’s your first job for the experience so you can move on to a different higher paying one. If your first job is one you love and want to stay in, that is still a real job. Sure you may move around a few jobs until you find the one you want, that is actually far more common than you think. I myself have had a number of jobs of all different backgrounds until I got into the one I have now that I adore.

Don’t let people tell you that what you are doing, or what your children are doing if it’s maybe their first job, is not a real job. No one needs to kill themselves for a life that doesn’t really exist except in the minds of others and on the TV screen. A real job is a job that makes you happy and puts food on your table and keeps a roof over your head. That is the bottom line of what a real job is, the degrees and fancy bits of paper mean nothing at the end of the day. It is all the same, we all need to live, we need to eat and we need to be safe and any job that helps you achieve that, is a real job.

Anyone who says different and believes you have to be a high flying achiever before your job actually means anything to anyone, will be in for a hell of a shock when they realise at the end of the day, it doesn’t put them on a pedestal, it doesn’t make them better, and honestly the jobs they look down are the ones that keep their lives moving.

As always my thoughts are a little everywhere, but have a think about it when you make sense of it. Every job has a purpose, every job gives someone a roof over their head and the ability to do things in their life, like food shopping, travelling, caring for their pets or kids, and treating themselves when they have work hard and fancy a little something.

B x

Why it’s great to be apart

Confused? not surprised. when I talk about this a lot of people come back to me with questions and confusion. Recently this has come up again as my partner did a trip with rally group where they drove from Scotland to Athens, he had a great time with his friends. Made new friends and saw some amazing sites and found new places to travel to on a different trip.

Why is this a good thing for me? Because I had awesome amounts of alone time, I spent a lot of time with my pets. Did some DIY around the house and did some work on writing projects I have that have been a tad neglected.

I have been told our situation is not convenient, or asking how hard it is and how we cope with the distance. Truth is, we love it.
Now before I get a lot of statements about how it’s not normal or how I’m just being difficult for the sake of it (which I mean… fair if you know me, that’s always a possibility if I’m feeling sassy) However I genuinely don’t think it’s good for people to be around each other constantly.

I have watched couples that are rarely away from each other, have some immense arguments that are just bonkers level of rage and resentment from what I could tell. Usually a long the lines of


“Why do we have to do what you want”
“why are we always with your friends”
“why can’t we go to this place like I want”

Honestly, go find someone else to hang out with to do these things. Have some separation and go have your own adventures and nights out, or days shopping, in a museum, day at the beach, new restaurant. Whatever it is that you feel you can’t do with you partner, go with a friend! You do not need to do everything with your partner. It is actually much better if you don’t and here is why (for me anyway)

You will always have new things to talk about, new experiences and funny stories
You will find a new place or thing that you can then share if you want, take the partner to it and boom new fun thing for you both instead of a routine.
You get a different kind of recharged energy being around different people and having a good day out
You get the chance to miss each other
You can get back to some projects you haven’t had time for, or they can.
Reconnect with friends you haven’t seen in a long time

Honestly the list goes on, this doesn’t mean you should never spend time with your partner. I just feel people would genuinely benefit from doing their own thing, you know when people get out of a relationship and they say they feel like they lost themselves? That is exactly how they do it. They don’t take time for their own interests, they don’t have anything separate from their partner that is just for them.

I love spending time with him, I love cooking with him, going for walks, finding new places to explore or just spending an evening at home reading. I also love being away from him, knowing he is off doing whatever project he wants to be doing (seriously it’s like his mini happy place), or having a great time with his friends. While I’m catching up with my friends, focusing on writing, or little bit of self care, travelling myself or with my dad or friend, or even just doing nothing. I’m the kind of person that sometimes just needs to do nothing.

Our distance, is actually the best thing for us and very convenient but I get why it’s hard for some to understand because everyone is different. However if you feel like you have lost a bit of yourself or that you only have your partner to do things with. Shake it up, make new friends, reconnect with old ones, go do something for yourself. If your partner tells you that they feel that way, tell them the same thing, tell them it’s ok and they should go do something they really want to do without you.

When I was very young (when dragons were still around) I used to think that when you find your person, you are meant to be around them always and you are meant to have all the same interests and just never be apart. Give me a break I was like seven alright…
As I got older, I met the general public and therefore the general horror show that is humanity. As well as the wonderful side of humanity, and realised yeah.. I want to do my own thing, much happier doing that and not being told what to do. There ended the obedient child and thus entered hell on wheels chaotic child and never really grew out of it. You are not meant to be stuck in a routine and only spend time with one person forever and ever.

Life is weird, messy and random and you can’t go through it all with out different kinds of people in your life to get through it. You need the weirdo, you need the calm one, you need the mental friend and you need your person you come home to that can’t wait to hear about your random day and adventures.

Being apart is great for your soul and your mind. Coming together to share your experiences is great for you both and you never land in a weird routine kind of rut. Now through all this… do not take this as advice to go be a dick without your partner. If that’s the advice you got from this… shame on you and dishonour on your cow.

As I am writing and reading this, I am fully aware that this was a little rambling. However if you get what I mean then I have succeeded at least with that. My ramblings are to make people think differently or connect with someone who thinks the same way and if I achieved either then it has been a good day.

Just remember, adventure isn’t deadly. Routine is
B x

Where is home?

I have been travelling around this past year, as I have mentioned in this a few times, like going around the West Coast or travelling down south, and making more plans for driving to Rome and other smaller trips.

Now I’d like to point out that despite this travelling, I have always had a stable home that I have had for years. I’m also insanely lucky that I can travel and work, a luxury that most people do not have and I am forever thankful for.

The reason I have been asking where is home for me now, is because recently when I come back to where I live something no longer feels right. It feels comfortable, and familiar and it is certainly not to do with the people. Just when I come back I feel like I am still travelling and like I’m not fully home now.

So I started thinking, which is just never good really, does this mean that this is no longer my home? Is it just that I am ready for a change? Have I outgrown this place now that I have the freedom to travel?

In a word, yes. However I made the mistake of believing that home is a stationary place that will never move. I now feel more at home on the road and with my partner than I do in my own house. This is not a bad thing, it is certainly a surprising thing.

Home for me is where someone should feel safe, content and comfortable. Where they are able to be themselves and de-stress from their day. They want to be a couch gremlin? terrific grab a blanket and snacks and get to it. Want to be doing an insane workout but too shy for a gym full of people? Fab! grab the yoga mat and get bendy (yeah I said it).

Home is for you to be you, in any shape or form that it takes, it is where you are free from expectations of anyone including yourself. You know when you’re home because you know you can truly be yourself and that you are safe.

Now I am not saying I am going to get in a van or car and live in one for the rest of my life, I am from Scotland at the end of the day and here it is fucking freezing some winters and I would 100% freeze my arse off. If you feel that way in a country, or city, or with someone then that is your home. That is your safe space to take care of and be taken care of in

The past two years, through a pandemic I have been feeling more and more like myself and I think this where I thought home was. Is maybe not for me anymore … or I am having some sort of post lockdown crisis, who can say for sure!

If you are no longer feeling at home in your house, think about where you do feel at home. You might find that you are ready for a change or you have outgrown where you thought you belonged. That isn’t a bad thing, people should always grow and change and move forward. Experience as much as you can because the saying “Some day I will…” will go right past you and it will turn into “I wish I had” so if you feel displaced at home, get out there and meet new people, find new places and explore cities. You might find your new home in a new city or with a person you didn’t know you would meet.

B X

What is success?

I personally feel I’m quite successful in my life. Are there things to improve? of course. Are there things I’m yet to achieve? you betcha. However I do feel that I am, success in the dictionary is genuinely described as “attaining wealth, prosperity and/or fame” and this is not how I view it.

So what is it? The money in your bank? The expensive clothes or fancy car? paparazzi annoying the ever living fuck out of you for their own 15 minutes of fame of getting that shot? Social status? I guess this is what comes to mind for most people when they hear that word. I did the leg work I asked around and the answers were all basically variations of being rich, famous and able to do what you like when you like. Nothing wrong with that if that’s what you want.

I think we should try and change that narrative on success. I feel it should be waking up ready to start the day, enjoying what you’re doing. Not exhausting yourself to survive between pay days. It should mean that you have found the work/life balance that people strive for, you found the flexibility to enjoy life and still have a productive work day whatever your job is.

Success is something you should carve out and define for yourself. It doesn’t have an age limit either, a lot of success stories are of famous people who got their “big break” late in life and that’s great for them. However anytime you try and look up success in any form it all comes back down to money. That is no life, to be money oriented and that if you don’t have a lot of it then you don’t have a successful life. Confused yet? let me break down my version of success

I have a home, that I love to look after and some times to DIY in to go with my own style or just as a change.
I have a car that I take care of and a lot of people can’t afford one, I worked hard for it and take pride in it.
I have great friends I can go to for almost anything in the world and they are there.
I have a job that I love, some days it exhausts me but that is a small fraction compared to the good my work does with animal welfare.
I have the freedom to go where I feel like, I can go to a beach, through a forest, I can travel down to see other friends.
I look after my health and recently have felt the benefits of this not just physically but mentally as well.
My days off work are not spent rushing around and being stressed out trying to squeeze everything in, they are always easy going and taken a slow pace. After all it’s my day off, it’s meant to be chilled and enjoyed.
I have a partner that I am very lucky to have, like finding a unicorn under a rainbow that is standing on a mountain of gold kind of lucky.

This is my version of success for me, I have things in life a lot of people can’t get or are struggling to obtain. I work hard to have it but I don’t take it for granted. I feel peoples goal in life should not be money, it should be having a safe home and good people in your life. Success should be your mindset not your bank balance, are you ever going to be happy if every day you’re consumed with being rich and not to be a downer but the reality of everyone on the planet being rich is like zero. Yes I’m aware people can achieve it yada yada but why is money your focus? why is fame the focus?

Why is the focus not being happy and healthy? If you have ever spoken to a pregnant couple or watched tv involving them have they ever said “I just want my baby to be rich and famous and have 15 cars” – No, they always say “I just want them to be happy and healthy”

Everyone’s priorities are different. I’m not saying you should all think the same because that is the wonderful part of being human, having your own thoughts and goals and emotions. All I’m saying is, have a think about it. When it gets right down to the bottom of everything would you rather have misery trying to achieve fame and riches, with a slim chance of it working, or enjoy your life just focused on your friends and having fun and enjoying it as it is. You’re going to miss a lot if money is the only goal in life.

Just saying think about it, think about your version of success or what you want to be successful in. Work? love? friends? life? travel? – Go for it, just take it as it is and don’t try and spin everything in your life to be about getting that extra money and fame.

B x

Communication| Sex

Alright before anyone gets super excited this is going to be me rambling on about the communication aspect and how it improves your sex life and most likely nothing that is going to get you going, sorry to be a buzz kill but I’m sure you will survive.

This has been rattling around in my mind for a while after talking to some friends or over hearing people chatting away and there seems to be a severe lack of talking about sex or what partners want to try with their significant other. Now me, I will talk about anything… give me a topic and I will natter away like a idiot and I’m too much of an ass sometimes not to tell a partner what I want or what I don’t like. I know everyone is different and this topic in particular can make people feel uneasy or weird.

However… I feel more people should try and open up a little bit about this. I have been in relationships where the other person didn’t want to talk about it, or try new things. Also been in the other kind where I felt I couldn’t talk about it without it turning into an argument. My friends have similar tales where they say

“aw no I can’t bring that up to him”
“No no we don’t talk about that kind of stuff”
“She isn’t really into sex that much”
“We have a routine and that’s ok I guess”

Now before anyone launches themselves at me in comments, if people just aren’t big on sex that’s ok. If people are happy doing what they are doing, that is obviously ok. This is more for the people who say that they are bored of that part of their relationship or want to change it up and don’t know how.

Talking about things you like is good for you and opening up with your partner should not turn into a full blown argument. Being open about trying new things together is also amazing for you both, it changes up a routine, it is a new way of bonding together and getting a deeper level of intimacy. It also means everyone is on the same page and there is no grey areas or room for misunderstanding which seems to be where a lot of issues start to come up.

Communicating about this before you even have sex with the partner is also a very big thing that not many people seem to be doing, and yes I’m about to be a mood killer and talk about unprotected sex. I have no issues with this if both people are understanding this is the case, my issue with this would be if the partner is sleeping with other people and not letting you know, this opens you up and makes you very vulnerable to diseases and plenty of issues and potentially life threatening ones. However this always seems to end up being an afterthought which brings around the “oh fuck” moment if something has gone wrong.

If you are about to go into a new relationship or are in one and want to change things up or try something new. Just talk to your partner about it, hopefully they are an open minded and honest communicator and this will lead to some amazing things for you. Sex and communication are both important parts of a relationship, also when you are the most open and vulnerable and having immense trust with your partner can make both of these things amazing.

This is also coming from experience of being with someone who communicates wonderfully about everything and anything that they are thinking about or goes into potentially tough topics with an open mind and always listens to what is being said without jumping in based on an assumption. This has given me the comfort to be able to talk about anything that pops into my head without worry and that is very rare feeling to have. Not going to lie also leads to mind blowing sex so I mean… that’s a hell of a bonus.

Bottom line – Talk – Talk about what you want, what you don’t want. What you want to try and what you certainly never want to try. Talk about things that make you uncomfortable and get past that feeling. Talk about your partners wants and needs and don’t forget to truly listen to what they say to you. It’s all good saying you should talk, but it’s just as important to know when to just shush and listen to them.

B x