Ch, ch, ch, changes

Growing, transforming, changing, moving on … Whatever you want to call it the feeling for me is always very freeing. Through my life I have had any changes in different areas of my mentality or behaviours, and they always stem from life experiences and lessons.

When I was younger I used to be very trusting and try and make friends with everyone, as I grew life knocked that particular personality out of me and I grew guarded and suspicious of anyone who would speak to me. Then I met someone who, after a few months of confusion and suspicions, made realise I can be trusting and make friends again. My life experience doesn’t mean I have to stop doing anything, I just need to be smart enough to place my energy in the right place.

My health essentially did the same, I used to walk for miles, hill walk and rock climb. Swimming and horse riding I particularly loved and felt so free when I could just ride anywhere without a care in the world, my health soon changed and while I could do some things my body continually made it harder for me to do the things I loved so much. Now while I currently cannot hill walk or rock climb due to some issues, I realised it has also been stopping me from pushing my limits in other exercises. I didn’t realise my health had caused me to have a defeated attitude, I did exercise or go on walks but when my body began to tell me It was getting tired I would just stop immediately and never try and push past that barrier, meaning everything just stayed the same which added to the defeated feeling.

Now while some of this seems like common sense to most, others need a lot of self reflection which is hard to do. I personally struggle to sit in silence no matter what I’m doing, never mind having to give myself a hard look to better myself. Motivation to change comes easy, maintaining the behaviour to continue the change is hard.

So I decided to change, or technically revert back to my limit pushing, but with the newfound knowledge of myself to make sure I don’t fall into the same behaviour again. It started with getting my ass in gear first, continue with my exercising but as soon as my body gave the hint it was tired, I kept going. This resulted in many stiff muscles and a lot of sweat but my mentality changed and I felt that I had finally done something that was going to do good for my body.

This prompted other changes which actually began a strange response from friends, I started going through my things and donating or selling things and it felt very good. Like decluttering for your mind… what was weird was when I was asked why I was getting rid of things, I explained I just wanted to do an overhaul of my life and the response I got was mostly negative. Asking why I would get rid of things and why I was doing so much to change and how they could never just throw their life away.

At no point was I ever judging my friends life or choices, and the changes I am making is to improve my life not throw it away. It was a bizarre response to have to someone wanting to change for the better and I guess that just comes down to change, even if not with them directly, can be scary for people. I never think of change as anything scary so often forget it can be for others.

I have often viewed change as a chance to do something good, a chance to go on adventures or be the version of yourself you want to be. Even if it’s a slow process to get there, it begins with the first step as long as you believe in it.

So I have been making all these internal changes, for my mind and my body. My living space I have been down sizing as next year there will be a massive change of moving 500 miles and bringing together my home with his home and making it our own.

So I decided an outward change was needed, now I don’t mean clothes as I am forever changing my aesthetic so my poor cupboard is perpetually confused. However I have constantly been light haired for years, from blonde to orange it has always been bright warm colours.

So I decided this is the change to get that motivation boost and confidence back within myself while the other changes I am making catch up.

I am a night owl in nature and now have midnight sky for hair. A simple change and yet something big for me, hair has an interesting power over people and a lot of identity can be found in peoples hair. The one thing I would recommend people should do if they are unsure what change to make first, is start with the hair. It can be changed back and if you cut it, it will grow back.

So why not give it a go, it’s a bizarrely motivating thing to do.

B x